Hey guys sorry for the break (again) I’ve been without wifi until now and that has seriously been a tragedy. I have been writing though so I thought I’d upload some stuff that I’ve had for awhile. Enjoy!
It’s a curious thing, to live with a mind that yearns for one’s own demise. Pray, tell me how such a weary, fragile soul as mine should survive?
And oh! How overwhelming is the dread of another day endured! How intense the pain from disappointments! How strong the fear from trivial worries! How consuming the gloom of self-hate! Days have become to seem as months, and months as years – and oh!
How I despise having to live through another true year.
Emptiness has plagued me since my lungs quivered with life breath and the wickedness of the world stole my heart before it had the chance to thrive. My life thus far spent paying the penalties for my parent’s gross neglect of responsibility. I fear that the Universe demands too much of my delicate soul to repent for their sins as well as my own.
Foolish me! to think that I, the apple, could have fallen from a different tree. No, Nature is steady in Her methods of creation and it is with great pain that I see I am my mother’s daughter. Years apart have not diluted my blood, nor could my grandfather shake my mother out of me. Wickedness only begets wickedness, and so it is with her and I.
Darkness resides in me, bestowed upon me by my mother. Passionless, I have wandered by and by my youth.
Here at the age of a mere twenty, I feel as though I have suffered an entire lifetime’s worth of pain and heartbreak. Betrayals and regrets fester in my breast, tearing my soul until I can stand it no more.
Curse my heart for loving those I should not and my tongue for harming those I should love. Curse my fickle disposition for soaring to the stars, then crashing to the valleys below. Over and over my mind betrays logic and sense as I tumble into misery again and again only to rise above for some artless woman whose intentions are less serious than my own.
No amount of herb, or spirit, or Pharma invention shall be able to release me from the prison of thought. Only eternal slumber shall suffice to silence my pain. A dark and silent Wonderland free of my pain. And oh! How wicked is Nature to create a soul determined on self-destruction!