My life choices may not always be the best or most rational, but in the end I always have a damn good story to tell whether it be moving, tragic, embarrassing, or really fucking funny. Example….

Fresh out of high school with my diploma, I was scheduled to have my wisdom teeth removed a month before leaving for college. Now, I know you think you know where this is going, but I promise you that you don’t. This is not some funny rendition of what I said while waking up from the surgery (all I really did was sleep and ask to throw a party with mashed potatoes). This is just background for what I did three days after the surgery.

I recovered quickly and was in very little pain so I decided to go hang out with this goofy, sweet guy who I was into.  So we drove around and ended up in a nature park and watched a raccoon eat some garbage. The sexual tension was real, guys, very real. So we kissed. We made out. Now again, I had just had oral surgery three days ago. Tons of stitches blood clots and whatnot. Not so good for making out, but then again I’m not the best at making good choices. So anyways, guy starts to go down on me and he’s like, incredible. I’m all like, “DAMNNNNNNN SON”.

I should get surgery more often if this is what happens. Usually it’s the guys getting random head in vehicles, not the girl. I’m all in the zone because in high school the guys just don’t do that and he’s older and adorable in a sweet, goofy way. I feel compelled to return the favor. He asks if I’m sure and if that’s a good idea, so in a typical Kenzi fashion, I just whip the dick out and as soon as I try to wrap my mouth around it I realize how much this is gonna hurt. I soldier on for like, a minute tops before I feel my stitches start to pop. And now I’m thinking, “Oh fuck, oh fuck. This was a BAD idea” and right about then is when I tasted the blood. My dumbass should have just taken the free head and went home, but ohhhh no. I had to be nice and suck a dick for gratitude.

Suffice to say,it’s very awkward to end a blow job by having to drive back to the guy’s house after bleeding on his dick and reassuring him that I didn’t need to go to a doctor or something while also being in a ton of totally deserved pain. We never hung out after that again. I also never try to return the favor of free head because that shit doesn’t happen often so enjoy it while you can ladies. Maybe I should have left my wisdom teeth in because I could have used the wisdom to know not to suck a dick with stitches in my mouth.

**Side note: if you go to your dentist to get stitches replaced, don’t even try to bullshit them. They know what’s up. It’s best to not say anything and then switch dentists because they will call you out for sucking dick after oral surgery because apparently it’s pretty common.**